Hurt people, hurt people's how it begins And I don't wanna cause you pain This ain't the way that I thought we would live
When I start to feel I'm in trouble again I just keep it as friends 'cause I know how it ends When I feel like I'll be the devil again I'll sit back and pretend like we both never met
I found courage at 16 but lost it at 23 I'm not okay, I'm not okay And I lost my self-esteem believing in a dream I lost my faith, I lost my faith
Hurt people, hurt people's how it begins And I don't wanna cause you pain This ain't the way that I thought we would live
You might think that I'm crazy You might think you can save me I wish it was that easy
Hurt people hurt people, that's how it ends And I don't wanna cause you pain
When the cracks appear and we fall in-between Oh, you suddenly see this is far from your dreams When the chaos comes and we're sleepless awake I'm a slave to my ways, you deserve better days
Why won't you hear me when I say You're way too good for me anyway?
MATSUNO ICHIMATSU
Lately, I've been... I've been thinking. I want you to be happier.
The fourth-born son of his sextuplet brothers. A man in his early 20s with no job, no prospects, and in his opinion, no future. Ichimatsu is a reserved individual with a sharp tongue and a generally depressive outlook. His opinion of his entire family is extremely low, himself lowest of all, and he uses every opportunity to remind all within earshot. Yet despite his dedicated verbal criticism of both himself and others, Ichimatsu greatly values the few relationships he does have.
With difficulty in expressing his emotions, Ichimatsu comes off as dry, scathing, and downright unhinged at times. While this makes him the black sheep of an already eccentric group of siblings, he gets along surprisingly well with most of them, who either understand his sensitive nature or simply put up with him out of acceptance. Even still, Ichimatsu prefers the company of cats (whom he believes less hurtful than humans) to any form of human contact.
Yet despite all expectations, intentions, or desires, Ichimatsu has grudgingly formed friendships with several people in LifeAftr - which he can deny no longer. Having once pushed everyone around him away in an attempt to avoid rejection, Ichimatsu has now fallen into the trap of realizing he's able to form connections with others. His repeated attempts to warn these people away from the hurt that follows personal attachment have all failed; now Ichimatsu has come to accept that he, himself, wants to hold onto them in return.
"Please don't die before I find you, nii-san!" ∴ღ✔✔✔♧⊚≈≈☣
how to love
cash cash (boombox cartel remix)
One, two, three
I've been running from the pain Trying not to feel the same But it's a shame that we're sinking See, my confidence is shaking And my heart is feeling vacant So you try to fill it in
You say "I could fix the broken in your heart You're worth saving darling" But I don't know why you're shooting in the dark I got faith in nothing
But love, pray for me I never had somebody So I don't know how to love Pray for me I know I need somebody So I can learn how to love
I know it's been a while Cause my memory's on trial For the way I used to be My head is running miles Round in circles and I try To find the little light in me
MATSUNO JYUSHIMATSU
The world turns so that we can all face the sun. Soon, the light will return. I promise you this.
Ichimatsu's precious younger brother.
There aren't a lot of things in this world that Ichimatsu will admit to holding in such high esteem, but Jyushimatsu easily makes the cut. To his brother, Jyushimatsu is the leading example of everything good the sextuplets are capable of: kindness, joy, love, and hope all in abundance, to the point where it seems like the rest of them are lost causes in comparison. To say that Ichimatsu wears rose-colored glasses when it comes to Jyushimatsu wouldn't be an overstatement, but even in that regard, Ichimatsu is aware of his younger brother's flaws - he simply sees them as far less offensive than those of everyone else.
The two have been exceptionally close since childhood, and a large part of Ichimatsu's high opinion of his brother is due to this fact. Jyushimatsu has always been able to sense and bring Ichimatsu out of his darker moods; in turn, Ichimatsu is better than anyone at calming and comforting Jyushimatsu when something breaks through his upbeat attitude. Given their extreme opposite personalities, there are still times when they absolutely baffle each other, but Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu are inseparable whether they're completely in tune or just a little bit out of it.
During his long period of time alone in LifeAftr, Ichimatsu found himself in many individual moments where he severely missed Jyushimatsu, and suddenly having him back is something that still doesn't feel quite real. While loneliness has given him a freedom that he'd never had back home, getting used to living with even just one of his siblings again is an adjustment that Ichimatsu is quick to make. The last time he'd been with brothers in the archipelago, he had been the youngest one present - now he's the oldest, and with that, his entire outlook on their situation is different from anything it's been before.
Caught by the light; aware but asleep Never as close as the friends that you keep Drifting away on one final breath The further you climb, calm silhouette
And takes you along And takes you along
Far from a world ailing to live Far from the wreckage you were left in
And the crossing is over where the righteous remain In the memory it's deeper, survived by a name The rest is sufficient, a midnight complaint Left waiting in silence, left only to sleep
It takes you along And takes you along
THE DRIFTER
本当につらい人生だったね…来世では、今度こそ幸せになってください。
A curious drifter with blue skin and dark eyes. The first friend Ichimatsu has made outside of his family in a very long time - something he has admitted, and no longer denies. Initially connected through Osomatsu, they make for a peculiar pair: where Ichimatsu is surly and doleful, the Drifter is patient and kind. Where the Drifter is often plain-spoken, Ichimatsu is stubbornly recondite. This presents itself as a common hurdle in their conversations, and yet a part of Ichimatsu has come to respect the way that interactions with them force him to be more straightforward.
After some digging, he learned that they suffer from a fatal disease that has ravaged their vocal chords, rendering them mute. Initially, he had no intention of getting attached; the sickness of himself is an unneeded affliction on someone already ill. Death, however, seemed to subsequently follow the both of them as their paths continued to cross. In a fashion, the Drifter has become more intimately familiar with Ichimatsu's grim outlook on himself and his life than anyone, having witnessed him in his bleakest moments. And yet never once have they abandoned him to the fate he feels he's destined: to end up alone.
As a result, Ichimatsu's feelings toward his friend are often mixed: he admires their steadfast will to live, and yet knowing about their illness often transforms it into a greater tragedy than he can bear. He resents that he's come to care about someone so strong in every way that he isn't, and yet he values their companionship more than he'd care to admit. In many ways, the elements of their friendship form a dichotomy of perspectives in Ichimatsu that he can't ignore. The Drifter forces him to acknowledge a world outside of him, with other people who carry a sickness in them that they cannot surmount. They've proven to him the validity of an option he's never braved before: showing eternal kindness even when in pain, even with only one outcome in the foreseeable future.
Whether he likes it or not: it's changed his world.
I burned down my house Did it all by myself Threw away all that was once gold to me Did it all by myself
If ever you want, I would be right by your side I just wanted to burn it down Stop is safer than sorry I just wanted to put it down Bury it down so deep
‘Cause it’s time to grow up I know you hate it But we made it And at least give me clarity Just be fair to me
I know you’re gonna fuck me up Fuck me up, one day I know you’re gonna fuck me up Fuck me up, one day Just be fair to me Swear to me We won’t end up like your parents were
You might as well run my feelings over with your car Put it in reverse and run em back over again Run my feelings over with your car Put it in reverse and run em back over again
CONNOR MURPHY
All in all, I had a very full life. It's just that it didn't mean anything.
What an asshole.
Connor's personality reminds Ichimatsu overwhelmingly of his own, which is never a good thing. He's dour, moody, brutally honest, and seems to hate everyone around him just about as much as he appears to hate general existence. In short, he's exactly the kind of person Ichimatsu is stuck with eternally by virtue of being himself, and the world doesn't need more Ichimatsus.
Past that, though, Ichimatsu can acknowledge that he doesn't actually seem like a bad guy. Just a loner who hates dealing with people. Though their exchanges have always been mildly antagonistic, he doesn't truthfully hate Connor, and finds him to be a reliable enough neighbor when it comes down to it. In the end, Connor isn't out to drive in anyone's lane but his own -- and Ichimatsu can respect that.
"It's okay to be like you. You're not bad. Your heart isn't bad. And I think you love a lot of things too." ¿❣✔✔✔≈≈≈≈⊚⊚⊚☣
shelter
porter robinson & madeon
(hi i'm ghost remix)
I could never find the right way to tell you Have you noticed I've been gone? 'Cause I left behind the home that you made me But I will carry it along
And it's a long way forward So trust in me I'll give them shelter Like you've done for me And I know I'm not alone You'll be watching over us Until you're gone
You're on, you're on Tell me whose side you're on Don't you pay them any mind
Until you're gone
Don't you pay them any mind Don't you pay them any mind You know this happens every time Now don't you pay them any mind
I thought you disappeared
Who survived? Somebody new? Anyone else but you On a lonely night Was a burning light A hundred years, we'll be born again
REN
When you love something, the amount of love you will receive back from it is infinite. Isn't that worth the risk?
A strange girl who likes cats. While that already brings her a cut above every other person on the island, Ichimatsu has inadvertently given her the impression that he is a cat, thanks to his feline features. This, by proxy, means that she likes him -- and Ichimatsu doesn't even know where to begin unpacking that bad idea.
The short of it is that she's obviously a sweet, innocent girl, and Ichimatsu knows that he is bad for sweet and innocent things. The long of it is that she seems thoroughly attached to him and he doesn't have the heart to push her away: he's puzzled out that she's had a lonely childhood, and though he's certain that his can't compare, he can't help but empathize with her. With the recognition that he's become attached, Ichimatsu has coached himself over time to curb his nastier qualities in her presence. Though he isn't always successful, he's grown to just barely trust himself not to be a bad influence on her.
There are few people Ichimatsu finds worthy of or needing protection in LifeAftr, least of all from him, but Ren is a special case. His gift of one of his oldest cat friends, ESP Kitty, stemmed from both absolute trust in her love for cats and a desire to help her be less lonely. In turn, he recognizes that she makes him a softer, kinder person - something he might fight ordinarily, but for Ren, he dares not be anyone else.
With both Ichimatsu and Ren having disappeared from the archipelago for a time, Ichimatsu is now cognizant of the effects their absences have had on those around them - including one another. As someone who once avoided every avenue of being hurt by hurting others, Ichimatsu is now just different enough to be grateful for and seek forgiveness instead. Some things, he's come to slowly believe, are even worth being hurt for.
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ichininyaanshi) wrote2017-06-16 04:27 am
松 navigation
c a n o n ↴
c r o s s - c a n o n ↴
松 canon
matsuno ichimatsu » osomatsu-san
what being attached means."
∴ϟϟ⨘☠ϟϟ¿¿
Hurt people, hurt people's how it begins
And I don't wanna cause you pain
This ain't the way that I thought we would live
When I start to feel I'm in trouble again
I just keep it as friends 'cause I know how it ends
When I feel like I'll be the devil again
I'll sit back and pretend like we both never met
I found courage at 16 but lost it at 23
I'm not okay, I'm not okay
And I lost my self-esteem believing in a dream
I lost my faith, I lost my faith
Hurt people, hurt people's how it begins
And I don't wanna cause you pain
This ain't the way that I thought we would live
You might think that I'm crazy
You might think you can save me
I wish it was that easy
Hurt people hurt people, that's how it ends
And I don't wanna cause you pain
When the cracks appear and we fall in-between
Oh, you suddenly see this is far from your dreams
When the chaos comes and we're sleepless awake
I'm a slave to my ways, you deserve better days
Why won't you hear me when I say
You're way too good for me anyway?
Lately, I've been... I've been thinking. I want you to be happier.
With difficulty in expressing his emotions, Ichimatsu comes off as dry, scathing, and downright unhinged at times. While this makes him the black sheep of an already eccentric group of siblings, he gets along surprisingly well with most of them, who either understand his sensitive nature or simply put up with him out of acceptance. Even still, Ichimatsu prefers the company of cats (whom he believes less hurtful than humans) to any form of human contact.
Yet despite all expectations, intentions, or desires, Ichimatsu has grudgingly formed friendships with several people in LifeAftr - which he can deny no longer. Having once pushed everyone around him away in an attempt to avoid rejection, Ichimatsu has now fallen into the trap of realizing he's able to form connections with others. His repeated attempts to warn these people away from the hurt that follows personal attachment have all failed; now Ichimatsu has come to accept that he, himself, wants to hold onto them in return.
All he can do is try not to ruin them.
matsuno jyushimatsu » osomatsu-san
∴ღ✔✔✔♧⊚≈≈☣
(boombox cartel remix)
One, two, three
I've been running from the pain
Trying not to feel the same
But it's a shame that we're sinking
See, my confidence is shaking
And my heart is feeling vacant
So you try to fill it in
You say "I could fix the broken in your heart
You're worth saving darling"
But I don't know why you're shooting in the dark
I got faith in nothing
But love, pray for me
I never had somebody
So I don't know how to love
Pray for me
I know I need somebody
So I can learn how to love
I know it's been a while
Cause my memory's on trial
For the way I used to be
My head is running miles
Round in circles and I try
To find the little light in me
The world turns so that we can all face the sun. Soon, the light will return. I promise you this.
There aren't a lot of things in this world that Ichimatsu will admit to holding in such high esteem, but Jyushimatsu easily makes the cut. To his brother, Jyushimatsu is the leading example of everything good the sextuplets are capable of: kindness, joy, love, and hope all in abundance, to the point where it seems like the rest of them are lost causes in comparison. To say that Ichimatsu wears rose-colored glasses when it comes to Jyushimatsu wouldn't be an overstatement, but even in that regard, Ichimatsu is aware of his younger brother's flaws - he simply sees them as far less offensive than those of everyone else.
The two have been exceptionally close since childhood, and a large part of Ichimatsu's high opinion of his brother is due to this fact. Jyushimatsu has always been able to sense and bring Ichimatsu out of his darker moods; in turn, Ichimatsu is better than anyone at calming and comforting Jyushimatsu when something breaks through his upbeat attitude. Given their extreme opposite personalities, there are still times when they absolutely baffle each other, but Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu are inseparable whether they're completely in tune or just a little bit out of it.
During his long period of time alone in LifeAftr, Ichimatsu found himself in many individual moments where he severely missed Jyushimatsu, and suddenly having him back is something that still doesn't feel quite real. While loneliness has given him a freedom that he'd never had back home, getting used to living with even just one of his siblings again is an adjustment that Ichimatsu is quick to make. The last time he'd been with brothers in the archipelago, he had been the youngest one present - now he's the oldest, and with that, his entire outlook on their situation is different from anything it's been before.
松 cross-canon
»» hyper light drifter
the drifter » hyper light drifter
✔❣≈≈≈⚑☣
the light
Caught by the light; aware but asleep
Never as close as the friends that you keep
Drifting away on one final breath
The further you climb, calm silhouette
And takes you along
And takes you along
Far from a world ailing to live
Far from the wreckage you were left in
And the crossing is over where the righteous remain
In the memory it's deeper, survived by a name
The rest is sufficient, a midnight complaint
Left waiting in silence, left only to sleep
It takes you along
And takes you along
本当につらい人生だったね…来世では、今度こそ幸せになってください。
After some digging, he learned that they suffer from a fatal disease that has ravaged their vocal chords, rendering them mute. Initially, he had no intention of getting attached; the sickness of himself is an unneeded affliction on someone already ill. Death, however, seemed to subsequently follow the both of them as their paths continued to cross. In a fashion, the Drifter has become more intimately familiar with Ichimatsu's grim outlook on himself and his life than anyone, having witnessed him in his bleakest moments. And yet never once have they abandoned him to the fate he feels he's destined: to end up alone.
As a result, Ichimatsu's feelings toward his friend are often mixed: he admires their steadfast will to live, and yet knowing about their illness often transforms it into a greater tragedy than he can bear. He resents that he's come to care about someone so strong in every way that he isn't, and yet he values their companionship more than he'd care to admit. In many ways, the elements of their friendship form a dichotomy of perspectives in Ichimatsu that he can't ignore. The Drifter forces him to acknowledge a world outside of him, with other people who carry a sickness in them that they cannot surmount. They've proven to him the validity of an option he's never braved before: showing eternal kindness even when in pain, even with only one outcome in the foreseeable future.
Whether he likes it or not: it's changed his world.
»» dear evan hansen
connor murphy » dear evan hansen
✘✘✫♧⚑
I burned down my house
Did it all by myself
Threw away all that was once gold to me
Did it all by myself
If ever you want, I would be right by your side
I just wanted to burn it down
Stop is safer than sorry
I just wanted to put it down
Bury it down so deep
‘Cause it’s time to grow up
I know you hate it
But we made it
And at least give me clarity
Just be fair to me
I know you’re gonna fuck me up
Fuck me up, one day
I know you’re gonna fuck me up
Fuck me up, one day
Just be fair to me
Swear to me
We won’t end up like your parents were
You might as well run my feelings over with your car
Put it in reverse and run em back over again
Run my feelings over with your car
Put it in reverse and run em back over again
All in all, I had a very full life. It's just that it didn't mean anything.
Connor's personality reminds Ichimatsu overwhelmingly of his own, which is never a good thing. He's dour, moody, brutally honest, and seems to hate everyone around him just about as much as he appears to hate general existence. In short, he's exactly the kind of person Ichimatsu is stuck with eternally by virtue of being himself, and the world doesn't need more Ichimatsus.
Past that, though, Ichimatsu can acknowledge that he doesn't actually seem like a bad guy. Just a loner who hates dealing with people. Though their exchanges have always been mildly antagonistic, he doesn't truthfully hate Connor, and finds him to be a reliable enough neighbor when it comes down to it. In the end, Connor isn't out to drive in anyone's lane but his own -- and Ichimatsu can respect that.
»» fragile dreams
ren » fragile dreams
¿❣✔✔✔≈≈≈≈⊚⊚⊚☣
(hi i'm ghost remix)
I could never find the right way to tell you
Have you noticed I've been gone?
'Cause I left behind the home that you made me
But I will carry it along
And it's a long way forward
So trust in me
I'll give them shelter
Like you've done for me
And I know I'm not alone
You'll be watching over us
Until you're gone
You're on, you're on
Tell me whose side you're on
Don't you pay them any mind
Until you're gone
Don't you pay them any mind
Don't you pay them any mind
You know this happens every time
Now don't you pay them any mind
I thought you disappeared
Who survived?
Somebody new?
Anyone else but you
On a lonely night
Was a burning light
A hundred years, we'll be born again
When you love something, the amount of love you will receive back from it is infinite. Isn't that worth the risk?
The short of it is that she's obviously a sweet, innocent girl, and Ichimatsu knows that he is bad for sweet and innocent things. The long of it is that she seems thoroughly attached to him and he doesn't have the heart to push her away: he's puzzled out that she's had a lonely childhood, and though he's certain that his can't compare, he can't help but empathize with her. With the recognition that he's become attached, Ichimatsu has coached himself over time to curb his nastier qualities in her presence. Though he isn't always successful, he's grown to just barely trust himself not to be a bad influence on her.
There are few people Ichimatsu finds worthy of or needing protection in LifeAftr, least of all from him, but Ren is a special case. His gift of one of his oldest cat friends, ESP Kitty, stemmed from both absolute trust in her love for cats and a desire to help her be less lonely. In turn, he recognizes that she makes him a softer, kinder person - something he might fight ordinarily, but for Ren, he dares not be anyone else.
With both Ichimatsu and Ren having disappeared from the archipelago for a time, Ichimatsu is now cognizant of the effects their absences have had on those around them - including one another. As someone who once avoided every avenue of being hurt by hurting others, Ichimatsu is now just different enough to be grateful for and seek forgiveness instead. Some things, he's come to slowly believe, are even worth being hurt for.
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